Man in my life

Millebaci lipgloss

Raybans stunners

Gold chain, gold watch

My fresh belly ring

New Victoria secret underneath

And that Fantasy perfume

Everything, check.

Ready to show up in style

Rock his world

How I always do, y'know?

No?

Maybe that's coz he didn't show.

And my skin got tanned

waiting for him in the sun.

I think I even lost weight

walking around tryna give him time

Time he wasn't worthy of

coz clearly, it's been four hours now.

Why though?

I mean, he could just cancel.

It's just a phone call or even worse, a text.

But silence, damn

that's him making damn sure

he's never seing me again.

So I head back to where I'm from.

Still rocking. still stunning.

And the oglers around stare and think

"Boy I'd love to be with her.

The man in her life must be so lucky"

Hmmm

Funny how the man in my life

don't seem to know that yet.

This, was a poem written by a very angry Kenyan girl that got stood up. Me.

But I wasn't wearing Victoria Secret and God knows my mum will KILL me if she found out I have a belly ring haha but bottom line is, we all know this feeling.

When you're ready for him and you're all excited. You cancelled all your other plans, your girls know you're going to see him and they're waiting for you to come back for a sleepover and give em all the dits of what happened. (Yeah, girls talk too.) You're feeling all Miss Independent for yourself, using your own means not depending on him for fare for a mat or a cab you go it all covered. I mean, we all know why you really going there, it's a booty call. Which happens ALOT to those who are single. Got like a million sides and I don't even know if they're still sides coz it's not like there's a main right?

Girls we always say " I'm not about that life anymore." "I'm done with him." "I'm not gonna be just another bitch in his life. If he wants me he should make me his ONLY girl. I don't even wanna see him again" haha that one is the BIGGEST lie we tell our friends and ourselves. The minute he texts or calls and asks if you're free on Friday and you had something super important to do, you'll say yes in a heartbeat and start thinking of an excuse to tell your friends. "But you know he's known me for so long it's not like he's just a random guy." "But he just broke up with his chic he can't handle anything serious right now you know how heartbreaks can be" 

I wish God would come down and tell us why we're such suckers to toxic relationships and raw deals. We deserve better men who will be there for us and all that good shit that's practically impossible. And I guess it doesn't help the situation when we don't put our feet down and refuse to be "used" and treated like crap but then again,,, idk mahn. Times have changed so much and we're not the same people we were even a year ago. Most of us are much much worse. Which is sad coz we should be growing older and wiser and all but it's like we're just devising new ways to compromise on our values.

One day, we'll look back on our "youth" and that's what scares me. Mahn idk if I'm gonna laugh or cry. Sometimes I can't even picture a future me it's like my vision ends at this Saturday when I attend that party I've been anticipating. Thinking about the future sucks coz well, I have to think and nobody likes "thinking about their life". If someone asks me right now, "What do you want for your life?" I'll probably just look like I'm thinking hard but I know in my head it's just an echo of nothing. So today, I'm challenging myself to think about what I actually want in my life right now. Coz imma just keep on taking whatever comes coz there are no standards to be met anyway. 

We all need to think about the kinda shit we take in our lives and we'll realize we don't deserve all that crap. But we still stay in that place maybe coz it's scary to get up and move on coz we're moving on to NOTHING. Getting over people or things is hard because you're getting out of it then what?? What do you do now? Fear of the unknown they call it. So we end up jumping from one bad habit to another which is by itself a very bad habit. We NEED to get rid of our bad habits and idk get hobbies haha it sounds cliche and boring. But thrill is overrated mahn. We need to take a chill pill...