JUDGE ME NOT

One two three

number of weeks I've been waiting

for the expected

y'know, after I took the pills.

It wasn't my fault

technically

it broke in the process;

blame physics I guess.

But I was drunk too

or high

or both, to remember what happened.

I just take precautions

lol

Irony of that now

considering the ultimate is abstinence.

haha

that word has always been too long

maybe that's why I don't remember it.

Oh well, back to the bathroom where I left it.

Eight nine ten

minutes I've been counting

with wild thoughts in my head.

Damn, it's positive.

I checked.

This is my third test by the way.

My life flashes before my eyes

literally

the events of that night

the few memories I can savage

because it was full of emptiness.

What do I do?

Should I tell him?

Will he even do anything about it?

Does he even still have my number

or did he lose it with his phone

for the hundredth time this month.

Four five

seconds I've been ringing his phone

"Hello? Who's this?"

Okay girl,

this is it... 

When I was small, there a lot of things I said I'd never do. A lot of circumstances I used to judge. I grew up in the church you see, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing entirely, but there are certain behaviours you grow up with. Like hypocrisy. Man is to error, nobody is perfect, but when you grow up in the church some errors are worse than others. The errors that can be seen I guess. Being pregnant, having tattoos, having "ungodly" friends blah blah And it's not only in the church but in our society too. Some issues are judged upon more gravely than others.

This past years, so much has changed. When I think about all the things I grew up knowing was wrong and how many of them are off my bucket list already haha I can't help feeling sorry for the church. Most PK (Pastor's Kid) usually end up worse than most kids and I know why because I'm more or less one of them. There's so much pressure to be perfect and be the best example and pretending can only last so long. Curiosity is in everyone, including Christians. Just that it's easier for kids that are aren't brought up in the church because they're allowed to make mistakes. I'm not saying they're allowed to do whatever they want, but it's less taboo if you drank wine you took from your dad's cabinet I mean, it was there it's not a new phenomenon. But for PK's and those close, almost everything is taboo and it's only human to want to experience things. Only, we end up not doing it in moderation because we're tryna do everything at once coz it's such few chances you'll get. You can't talk to your parents about going out or for a concert who's dj is not a Christian. Usual questions "Which church does she go to? Do her parents go to church? Give me her parent's number I talk to them." Now I get there's the need to protect a child and to "lead them in the ways of the Lord" but children are children. You automatically grow up knowing people that don't go to church are bad and are going to hell, which is not the case. Then you grow up, you talk less to your parents because you know they would never approve of anything because it's not godly. This I think is why we have so many PKs everywhere going crazy with immorality and recklessness because as soon as they're out of their parents' house, freedom is all they see.

People like to talk and judge things they think they are above. Your unguarded strength is your greatest weakness. And this is true. Most self-righteous people that think "Aaaah, that's never happening to me." most times end up in that same trap. Pastors, priests, bishops have fallen so many times- stealing and mostly adultery. And most people that judge them are saying this with their mpango wa kandos "Mi hawa mapastor siwaamini". It's funny considering you're doing the same thing but it's allowed for you because you're not a pastor haha people are funny.

If someone steals don't condemn them while you know personally gossiping is your second name. It's easy to talk from the other end I tell you but no one wants to be condemned. Life is unfair and people go through weird experiences, some of which we can never really understand.

JUDGE NOT THOSE THAT SIN DIFFERENTLY FROM YOU.