L.O.V.E.

It's the way his voice sounded

and how words rolled off his lips.

It's the way he mentioned my name

when he was trying to make a point.

It's the way that he smiled

and how soft the curve was shaped.

It's the way his mouth looked

when he was about to laugh.

It's the way he gazed at me

and how his eyes pierced into mine.

It's the way he stops mid-sentence and stares

that makes me want to pee myself.

It's the way his breath felt

when he whispered in my ear.

It's the way his body heat turned me on

and that was not even meant to be a pun.

It's the way his hands clasped around mine

and made me feel warm.

It's the way his arms engulfed me

and I got lost in his world.

It's the way he would hold me

and own me like a trophy.

It's the way he'd carry me around

like I was his favorite prize.

It's the way his lips would suck mine

and make me lose all sense of control.

It's the way he would take his time

to devour every inch of me.

It's the way he teased

when he'd want to drive me wild.

It's the way he'd spin me around

and let me take him for a ride.

It's how he'd look at me

like he knows me inside and out.

It's how he'd wait for me

and never left me behind.

It's how he'd cuddle me

and lay awake till morning light.

It's how much I reminisce

and wish we could do it all over again.

Love.

Lust.

The L word. Infatuation, crush blah blah all these smart words people throw around tryna confuse our heads when bottom line is, you basically can't stop thinking about someone and whatever it is that you want from them. At what point do we tell the difference?? Please when you do find out let me know coz I'm also lost.

Ever watched a movie/programe/ series and you felt like they were acting your life? Like they just read a page from last year and added it to the script just so you can shit your pants when watching it? Okay, not literally, but I've had those moments. Which reminds me, I am writing a book. I've been writing it since sijui form three and I'm at chapter six. It's an autobiography :) Sometimes when bad or dramatic things happen in my life I think to myself "this would make an interesting read" and then I lose psyche because I keep remembering that my parents will probably want to read and I'm not so sure they'd wanna know what I've been upto since highschool-that guarantees no inheritance and I really need that house :)

So anyway, where was I? Yes, my life in a movie. I am sadly and shockingly the type that cries in a movie. Yes, I'm a hopeless romantic and you didn't know this until I told you because I'm very good at hiding things. But say something like The Fault in our Stars. Saddest shit ever yoh that movie should be banned. I felt emotions I didn't even know existed. Thought of things that only depressed people think about. Like if I die right now. Ok not right now right now like after-an-hour right now... how would people react? Yeah I know people would be devastated coz I'm adorable and all that ((lazima nijiamini msee)) but who's life would literally STOP? The thought of Kathleen dying will just be so painful and so unreal to them they'd fall into a trance and be traumatized and not talk in like 10 years. Okay hapo nime-exaggerate but it's sad that I came to the conclusion that I don't know if such a person exists. But I know who would die and my world would just crumble.

Which brings me to something they call love lorn. Unrequited love. What has been the story of my life since I was born. Maybe even before lol Okay, I might have had some breakthroughs in the past year, but they were just that, breakthroughs. And nowadays, people date for ALL the wrong reasons. Fame, money, can't be alone, to make the ex jealous, he/she is so sexy, constant tap. Maybe I'm too ol'school and ol'fashioned and unrealistic but once upon a time I was in love ( oh that L word ). And it was the best feeling in the world, also the worst hehe but the good ALWAYS gets you through the bad. And I'm not even kidding. That's how I know for sure that love really is out there, no matter how much people say it isn't. And no matter how NON-EXISTENT it is in my world right now haha I feel like it took a vacation and it kinda got lost but I know it'll find its way back. Because I damn well deserve it, and we all do. Does that mean we should stop having mediocre relationships? No, we can have whomever we want. But we know deep down that it ain't real. And I just think if it ain't real, why bother? I'd rather put all my energy into a future real than a present fake coz when you do get someone that's down for you, you won't have anything left to give.

I was talking to my.... let's call him a very good friend yesterday and he actually sorta inspired this post. He was talking bout some girl he likes who thinks bewitched him ((btw did I mention I'm Kamba? We have a reputation....)) and he said "What I have with her is love. She's not just some beauty queen. Simple. A little crazy and stubborn and very naiive... I think I love her flaws even better...". Now I know this guy, not all my life duuuh but for a while and I NEVER in my life thought he'd ever say that about another human being let alone a girl that he actually gives a shit about. So now I know guys have hearts despite how they like to pretend they "don't catch feelings" haha it just takes the right kinda girl from the blues to get you hooked.

This gave me a lot of hope which I'd like to infect to anyone else reading this. For those girls who think all guys are the same, they can change!! :) And to all guys who are tired of the same old shallow shit and you need a girl that can actually cook and clean, there is hope. (And yes I can cook and clean)

This post was super sentimental but I'd like to blame the fact that I din't have coffee in the morning and my class bounced and it's my girl's birthday today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOOBOO) and I'm all kinds of emotions bundled up into one so *sighs* let's fall in love this 2015.