My mother, who happens to be a psychologist and LOOOVES analyzing me, once gave me some piece of advice I would like to share. I remember I was busy complaining about something that happened in my high school and as usual, she listened to everything, nodded but instead of sharing in my pain or helping me to bad mouth the school director (who I still dislike up to today) like what my small mind expected, she turned off the TV and started the most heartfelt lecture I ever had in my life. Which has surprisingly been something I follow through with to this day.
She told me "Mwende, there are three kinds of problems in life. There are problems that YOU have to deal with yourself and shouldn't let anybody take care of. There are problems you cannot solve on your own and you need OTHERS to help you with. Then there are problems that neither you nor other people can solve and only GOD can handle it. Now everybody has problems but most times we don't know what kind of problems we have. We have some things that we need to let others help with but we're so busy trying to fix it yourself maybe tryna prove that we are tough and can take on anything. There are times when honestly, you should take charge of your life and just handle your shit and not involve others or much less God I mean, he has the rest of the world to take care of too. Then there are times we just kazana with something that we can't change at all and we just need to humble ourselves, and ask God to intervene. So, every time you have an issue, whether I'm there or not, always ask yourself, what kind of a problem is this and what is the best way to take care of it? Asking for advice is fine but using your brain can be useful too."
Then she turned on the tv and asked me to make some tea *sighs* Kind of explains why I don't talk to her about my problems since then but all in all, I thank her so much for that insight. Coz she won't always be there to advice me on stuff. And she might be there too but she doesn't want to coz sometimes mothers are mean like that lol
So this past couple of months, I've been listening to people talk about what's happening in their lives and all. And as the bad habit I picked up from my mum, I like to psycho-analyse (not sure what that really means but it felt cool using it) people. And I proved her theory too, people really don't know their problems. A girl can complain all day long about guys and how they're useless and everything and how they always want to "use" her. And I'm using this example because obviously a girl and this subject is so close to home we do this ALL THE TIME believe me. But sometimes if we really think about it, some things we can just handle ourselves. If a guy keeps hurting me and he's not useful in my life, I don't see a reason to keep entertaining such pain in my life. And guess what, nobody has to know. If I can pick up the phone and call it quits I don't need to tell the world what is happening. At the end of the day it is MY problem, not my whole class' or facebook's or instagram's. Sometimes we like to involve the world in our issues and if you really think about it, it's none of their business. Let them fish around for info but don't give them something to feed on. Let them make your problems their own, on their own, but don't make your problems theirs. Idk if that makes sense but I think it sheds some light kidogo.
Otherwise, I also have a small message for the guys y'know, those ones that are still not men hehe we are running out of men and it's so sad. We're like a million chics out here and men are like 100. So I thought maybe guys don't know what we want from them coz I realized we have some SERIOUS miscommunication thing happening. Wherever did chivalry disappear to? Did it sink along with the titanic ship?? Would you imagine that it actually doesn't hurt to be nice to a girl and treat her like a lady. And treating her like a lady doesn't mean being expensive coz that's what guys tend to do instead. Taking a girl somewhere expensive and treating her like crap doesn't make her feel good inside, just makes her stomach full and bitter. Be nice, genuinely care about her and her well-being. Know some things about her life, her school stuff, family, friends if you have to, her ambitions, her passion in life and figure out a way to make yourself an asset in her life. If you can't be that guy then just be honest. Life is short y'know? Tusiwastiane time pia. Let a girl know your intentions from the beginning, don't string her along with your confusion coz you don't want to be alone. If you don't know what you want and it's too soon to decide, I'm sure there's words that can be used to express that. Ladies want a man who knows what he wants. It kinda helps to know where you're going with your life and where you plan to see yourself in like five years. At least have an idea, oooor,,, you can also stop being so big headed and talk it out with your girl. They say behind every successful man is a strong woman, They didn't invent that out of the blues. Women can influence your success, for the better or worse, that's upon you though but just know the kind of woman you want by your side and go out and get her. Also, ladies want a man that has his shit together. Our generation has issues it's true, we all have daddy mommy financial family school issues blah blah but it's NOT sexy to see a man being a girl about it. Don't complain about how your brother or sister is always favoured yet you're the one that's always coming home late drunk and does nothing around. They kinda have a reason don't they? Don't be all out about how broke you are yet you somehow always have money for drinks and partying. Priorities maybe? Girls, stop letting guys think it's okay to pay his fare all the time when he spends the little he has to buy a pack of cigarettes. 21st Century and all, we're kinda becoming stupid. Let men be men and handle their shit, take care of their lives, do something about their problems. It's reassuring to know a guy has a messed up past but is doing something about making his future the complete opposite.
On a completely unrelated note, I'm on some loooong journey to starting my own you tube channel coz typing mahn.... Most people don't like to read, this generation though SMH,,, but maybe this is MY problem to deal with idk haha but this is me subtly and indirectly soliciting for subscribers :)
Either way,
Know your shit, know what's yours and what isn't.
BE WISE.
